#nowthatsscary #bobblog #randomthoughts
American's will spend $7.4 BILLION on Halloween this year. $7.4 BILLION. I phuking LOVE America. We have our priorities in order and we know how to have a good time!
Men will dress like women, women will dress like tramps (Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it. "What are you?" "I'm a sexy nurse". Sexy nurse? Really? When's the last time you saw a sexy nurse when there wasn't smarmy 70's guitar music playing in the background. I'm not saying sexy nurses don't exist. I'm just saying you have better odds of running across the elusive spotted white leopard than the sexy nurse.) and kids..awe, who gives a shit about the kids, this has turned into an adult holiday! Don't believe me? Adults will spend $1.4 billion on costumes this year versus $1.1 billion on kids costumes. And this year Halloween is on a Friday...forghetaboutit!
Speaking of things I'd like to forget about. American's are expected to spend $350 million on costumes for their pets. To put this in perspective, the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge raised $100 million. Yeah, we have our priorities in order all right. But hey, you can't say Mr. Kibbles doesn't look adorbs in his Frozen outfit.
Now here's something I can get behind. We will spend $2.5 billion on candy for Halloween this year. Notice I said "we" this time. I totally support any candy spending any time of the year. And the best part is holiday marketing leads to after holiday discounts. I once filled a shopping cart with conversation hearts on February 19th. Best day of my life...OF MY LIFE!
So whether you are the girl whoring it up as a sexy nurse or the crabby old bastard riding it out in your empty house with the lights off, I hope you get your $7.4 billion dollars worth. And just think, in a couple weeks we can start spending our money on Thanksgiving celebrations!!!
Friday, October 24, 2014
Thursday, October 23, 2014
I don't snore...
#idon'tsnore #bobblog #randomthoughts
If you find me dead in bed...it was my wife!
Although I'm definitely on the back nine of life, I still try. I work out a little. And by "work out" I mean lift some baby weights (It's all about reps, man); do a little running on the treadmill (Actually it's more like acting. I mean if I lessened the bounce in my step and quit moving my arms, I'm pretty sure I could walk at the same pace but "running" two miles sounds a lot edgier than "walking" two miles); and take the occasional bike ride (Though I think this shouldn't really count. Based on the folks I see riding on the bike trail, it doesn't look like it's working. Or maybe they are just using the trail as a back way to get to Culver's. And what's up with those people on the recumbent bikes. It's like a big middle finger to the people who think they are working out. "Look at me, bitch. I just passed you up and I'm laying down. Hahahaha".
Anyway, although it's up for interpretation, I do work out a little. I try to stay somewhat fashion forward (In the Midwest, this just means that you haven't incorporated your sweatpants into your "goin' out" wardrobe). And I try to stay relevant to pop culture. But when I fall asleep, things go downhill fast.
Word on the street is that I have some serious issues in the snoring department. And over the years I have somehow worked a few different methods of snoring into my repertoire. Like the basic chainsaw method was getting stale so I mix in the geyser once in a while.
What I'm finding out, is that over the years, this little idiosyncrasy has gone from palatable to what seems to be a burning hatred in my wife's belly. Much like the path of a triggered serial killer, my wife's remedies for my snoring have started to escalate and do so at a rapid rate.
Last Fall her approach was very passive. She bought me Breathe Right strips to wear at night. Those worked for a while but like a stubborn strain of influenza, my body became immune to the strips and we were back at square one. Maybe a can wear the rest of them on my power runs!
When the strips quit working she went to the wiggle method. She would convulse her body in bed like she was having some type of epileptic seizure, in hopes that this would disrupt my sleep and cause me to roll over and stop the madness for a bit. If her wiggling didn't do the trick, she would wiggle my pillow. Fairly effective...for a while.
In the last two weeks, shit has gotten real. Things are no longer passive. There have been punches in the face with pillows. There have been "alleged" slaps to the face and head (she vehemently denies these attacks, but I know what's up) and most recently there was an incident that can only be described as an attempt to smother me with my own stinky pillow (Yeah, kind of stinky. I think it's a drooling problem because I can't breath so good out of my nose. But that's a whole different set of night problems).
So anyway, I'm not sure how this adventure is going to end. But I want to go on the record and say, if they report that "he passed peacefully in his own bed, what a great way to go", chances are there was a struggle and you will find some of my wife's DNA under my fingernails. But I don't want to press charges. I owe her some solid nights of rest.
If you find me dead in bed...it was my wife!
Although I'm definitely on the back nine of life, I still try. I work out a little. And by "work out" I mean lift some baby weights (It's all about reps, man); do a little running on the treadmill (Actually it's more like acting. I mean if I lessened the bounce in my step and quit moving my arms, I'm pretty sure I could walk at the same pace but "running" two miles sounds a lot edgier than "walking" two miles); and take the occasional bike ride (Though I think this shouldn't really count. Based on the folks I see riding on the bike trail, it doesn't look like it's working. Or maybe they are just using the trail as a back way to get to Culver's. And what's up with those people on the recumbent bikes. It's like a big middle finger to the people who think they are working out. "Look at me, bitch. I just passed you up and I'm laying down. Hahahaha".
Anyway, although it's up for interpretation, I do work out a little. I try to stay somewhat fashion forward (In the Midwest, this just means that you haven't incorporated your sweatpants into your "goin' out" wardrobe). And I try to stay relevant to pop culture. But when I fall asleep, things go downhill fast.
Word on the street is that I have some serious issues in the snoring department. And over the years I have somehow worked a few different methods of snoring into my repertoire. Like the basic chainsaw method was getting stale so I mix in the geyser once in a while.
What I'm finding out, is that over the years, this little idiosyncrasy has gone from palatable to what seems to be a burning hatred in my wife's belly. Much like the path of a triggered serial killer, my wife's remedies for my snoring have started to escalate and do so at a rapid rate.
Last Fall her approach was very passive. She bought me Breathe Right strips to wear at night. Those worked for a while but like a stubborn strain of influenza, my body became immune to the strips and we were back at square one. Maybe a can wear the rest of them on my power runs!
When the strips quit working she went to the wiggle method. She would convulse her body in bed like she was having some type of epileptic seizure, in hopes that this would disrupt my sleep and cause me to roll over and stop the madness for a bit. If her wiggling didn't do the trick, she would wiggle my pillow. Fairly effective...for a while.
In the last two weeks, shit has gotten real. Things are no longer passive. There have been punches in the face with pillows. There have been "alleged" slaps to the face and head (she vehemently denies these attacks, but I know what's up) and most recently there was an incident that can only be described as an attempt to smother me with my own stinky pillow (Yeah, kind of stinky. I think it's a drooling problem because I can't breath so good out of my nose. But that's a whole different set of night problems).
So anyway, I'm not sure how this adventure is going to end. But I want to go on the record and say, if they report that "he passed peacefully in his own bed, what a great way to go", chances are there was a struggle and you will find some of my wife's DNA under my fingernails. But I don't want to press charges. I owe her some solid nights of rest.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
It's an acquired taste...
#acquiredtaste #bobblog #randomthoughts
Have you ever noticed that a lot of the things that are bad for us are an "acquired taste". This means that as a society, we are really going out of our way to be unhealthy.
Beer, cigarettes, bourbon, coffee. I'm guessing the first time you tried any of these things you weren't too sold on them. Walk into any bar and watch folks take shots of cheap tequila. They're licking salt, squeezing limes, anything to try and make this crap palatable. But it doesn't matter if it's your first shot or your fifth, you cannot "acquire" a taste for cheap tequila...but let's keep trying, yes?
Most kids are disgusted by black coffee but just wait a few seconds and grandma will doctor it up with a half cup of cream and a load of sugar. Now try it Bobby. What do you think...good? You betcha. Now fast forward thirty years and little Bobby has weaned himself off the milk and sugar and he's mainlining a pot of black coffee a day into his already phuked up system. Thanks grandma, you're the best.
We've been smoking since 5000 BC. This means that we've always been crazy. Who in there right mind would think it's a good idea to breath in smoke. And don't get me started on all the asshats who sue the tobacco companies because the tobacco companies didn't warn them that breathing in a pack of cigarettes a day for 40 years was bad for them. There's a name for this folks, it's called natural selection.
Reality is, our food and beverage department is really starting to fall behind. I think it's time to pool some resources and see if we can't come up with some new ideas. I mean, I can Google the history of blue cheese on my iPhone but I'm still sprinkling the moldy shit on my salad. Doesn't seem right.
But I guess, for people like me, it's a good thing that all this bad shit is an "acquired taste". Because I do a pretty good job of fighting through obstacles to consume my fair share of coffee, cigarettes, booze and blue cheese...
Have you ever noticed that a lot of the things that are bad for us are an "acquired taste". This means that as a society, we are really going out of our way to be unhealthy.
Beer, cigarettes, bourbon, coffee. I'm guessing the first time you tried any of these things you weren't too sold on them. Walk into any bar and watch folks take shots of cheap tequila. They're licking salt, squeezing limes, anything to try and make this crap palatable. But it doesn't matter if it's your first shot or your fifth, you cannot "acquire" a taste for cheap tequila...but let's keep trying, yes?
Most kids are disgusted by black coffee but just wait a few seconds and grandma will doctor it up with a half cup of cream and a load of sugar. Now try it Bobby. What do you think...good? You betcha. Now fast forward thirty years and little Bobby has weaned himself off the milk and sugar and he's mainlining a pot of black coffee a day into his already phuked up system. Thanks grandma, you're the best.
We've been smoking since 5000 BC. This means that we've always been crazy. Who in there right mind would think it's a good idea to breath in smoke. And don't get me started on all the asshats who sue the tobacco companies because the tobacco companies didn't warn them that breathing in a pack of cigarettes a day for 40 years was bad for them. There's a name for this folks, it's called natural selection.
Reality is, our food and beverage department is really starting to fall behind. I think it's time to pool some resources and see if we can't come up with some new ideas. I mean, I can Google the history of blue cheese on my iPhone but I'm still sprinkling the moldy shit on my salad. Doesn't seem right.
But I guess, for people like me, it's a good thing that all this bad shit is an "acquired taste". Because I do a pretty good job of fighting through obstacles to consume my fair share of coffee, cigarettes, booze and blue cheese...
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Christopher Columbus You Phuker
#bobblog #columbusyouphuker #randomthoughts
When I was a kid, Christopher Columbus was pretty cool. Hell, he discovered America! This guy threw caution to the wind, hopped in a ship and took off to find "America". I think he landed somewhere around Boston. We had a nice little poem about him and his three ships that helped me pass the Columbus exam. Oh, and we got a day off school to celebrate! What's not to love.
Well, much like the use of seatbelts, the mosquito fogger and the "just be home before the streetlight comes on" rule, times have changed. In recent years some ugly truths about Columbus have surfaced so I thought it may be time to dig in a little and see what all the fuss is about.
What I've learned is a few things.
One, everything I thought I knew about Columbus is a web of lies! I blame the unfortunate combination of a low IQ and public schooling. Finding out the truth hurts. It's a deep hurt. Like a Milli Vanilli lip sync scandal hurt...girl, you know it's true. Oh, and I'm sure I am the only person in America who didn't know the ugly truths but just in case here's a quick rundown. His real name is Cristoforo Columbo; he was looking for Japan; he never stepped foot on any of the 50 states; and he obviously didn't "discover" anything. He basically went on vacation to the Bahamas.
Two, Christopher Columbus was a douche bag. Martin Alonso, the captain of the Pinta, was the first to see land and fired a signal to note his discovery. Later, Columbus maintained that he had already seen a light on the land a few hours earlier...yeah, that's the ticket...I saw...I saw a light...yeah...like 2 hours ago...I just didn't want to wake anyone up. And on top of being a liar, he was a very nasty man. A recently discovered report by Francisco de Bobadilla alleges that Columbus regularly used torture and mutilation to govern. It says he that he punished a man for stealing corn by cutting off his ears and nose and then sold him into slavery. The report also says he paraded the dismembered bodies of uncooperative natives in the streets. Sounds like it would have been a better fit for him to have "discovered" the Middle East. In all fairness, there are some who feel that the facts of Francisco's report may not be entirely accurate, given that the end game was Francisco put Columbus and his bros in jail and took over his job. But here's what we do know about Columbus. He took made natives accompany him back from his first trip to "prove" he found the new world; he enslaved natives; he gave a Bahaman women to his friend who in turn beat her with a rope until she allowed him to rape her. So yeah, we have that.
Three, It's time to make a change! Currently 23 states and Washington D.C. recognize Columbus Day as a holiday. Why? Why are we honoring this idiot with a holiday? I'll ask the same question I ask every four years when I see the primary's, is this really the best we can come up with? I mean come on people, there is some pretty amazing shit going on every day. We can come up with someone more worthy. If not, America loves a reason to party, so let's just change it from the second Monday in October to the second Friday, call it Octoberfest and let's all drink some beer and toast the Natives in the Caribbean who had to put up with that phuker.
When I was a kid, Christopher Columbus was pretty cool. Hell, he discovered America! This guy threw caution to the wind, hopped in a ship and took off to find "America". I think he landed somewhere around Boston. We had a nice little poem about him and his three ships that helped me pass the Columbus exam. Oh, and we got a day off school to celebrate! What's not to love.
Well, much like the use of seatbelts, the mosquito fogger and the "just be home before the streetlight comes on" rule, times have changed. In recent years some ugly truths about Columbus have surfaced so I thought it may be time to dig in a little and see what all the fuss is about.
What I've learned is a few things.
One, everything I thought I knew about Columbus is a web of lies! I blame the unfortunate combination of a low IQ and public schooling. Finding out the truth hurts. It's a deep hurt. Like a Milli Vanilli lip sync scandal hurt...girl, you know it's true. Oh, and I'm sure I am the only person in America who didn't know the ugly truths but just in case here's a quick rundown. His real name is Cristoforo Columbo; he was looking for Japan; he never stepped foot on any of the 50 states; and he obviously didn't "discover" anything. He basically went on vacation to the Bahamas.
Two, Christopher Columbus was a douche bag. Martin Alonso, the captain of the Pinta, was the first to see land and fired a signal to note his discovery. Later, Columbus maintained that he had already seen a light on the land a few hours earlier...yeah, that's the ticket...I saw...I saw a light...yeah...like 2 hours ago...I just didn't want to wake anyone up. And on top of being a liar, he was a very nasty man. A recently discovered report by Francisco de Bobadilla alleges that Columbus regularly used torture and mutilation to govern. It says he that he punished a man for stealing corn by cutting off his ears and nose and then sold him into slavery. The report also says he paraded the dismembered bodies of uncooperative natives in the streets. Sounds like it would have been a better fit for him to have "discovered" the Middle East. In all fairness, there are some who feel that the facts of Francisco's report may not be entirely accurate, given that the end game was Francisco put Columbus and his bros in jail and took over his job. But here's what we do know about Columbus. He took made natives accompany him back from his first trip to "prove" he found the new world; he enslaved natives; he gave a Bahaman women to his friend who in turn beat her with a rope until she allowed him to rape her. So yeah, we have that.
Three, It's time to make a change! Currently 23 states and Washington D.C. recognize Columbus Day as a holiday. Why? Why are we honoring this idiot with a holiday? I'll ask the same question I ask every four years when I see the primary's, is this really the best we can come up with? I mean come on people, there is some pretty amazing shit going on every day. We can come up with someone more worthy. If not, America loves a reason to party, so let's just change it from the second Monday in October to the second Friday, call it Octoberfest and let's all drink some beer and toast the Natives in the Caribbean who had to put up with that phuker.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Whistle while you spit
Happy Monday...or is it...
Karen Carpenter would have not been happy this morning, but I was in a pretty good mood for someone driving into work at 6 a.m. on a dark, rainy Monday. I had my travel coffee, little heat going and some music. Everything was going great until, while whistling along to a song I spit on myself. Now I'm not talking, I went to whistle and sprayed a little. I'm talking, I was in a full out whistle and for some inexplicable reason, I had a breach in the lip area and a full out pool of drool dripped onto the front of my shirt.
With his one, seemingly insignificant, involuntary act, shit got real. It was like a party ender. One second the music was blaring and I was jumping around with a shot of tequila hoisted in the air and the next second, the cops were at the door.
When you drool on yourself at 6 a.m. and you are not drunk and/or sleeping, it's a cold water in the face moment that quickly reminded me that I'm old and stupid.
On the surface, drooling on myself was bad. But if we do a deeper dive...well...things get worse. For starters I was tuned into First Wave and got really excited when the 31 year old song 99 Red Balloons by Nena came on. Excited to the point that I turned it up and may or may not have played some air keyboards... Nothing old about that. Now let's shift gears a little and take a look at the fact that I was whistling along with the song. Whistling! What am I Bing Crosby. Who whistles anymore. I must have looked like Farris Bueller's dad in that scene when he's driving and Farris is trying to beat him back to the house.
So yeah, I'm that guy now. Not sure when exactly I jumped the shark but at some point I officially reached old, stupid man status. The bad news is, I think this happened a long time ago. The good news is, it must have been a gradual transition because for a while now, I have been very content whistling along to some sweet 80's tunes while making fun of the "old people".
So as I approach the balance of this rainy Monday I'd like to think I do so a wiser man. I realize that before I judge others, not only will I put myself in their shoes, but I may want to check and make sure I'm not already wearing them. I also realize that old people do funny shit. I mean drooling on yourself while trying to whistle along to a song is comedy gold. Sure it's a little more physical comedy while I've always leaned toward cerebral but heck, Jerry Lewis did alright with it.
Karen Carpenter would have not been happy this morning, but I was in a pretty good mood for someone driving into work at 6 a.m. on a dark, rainy Monday. I had my travel coffee, little heat going and some music. Everything was going great until, while whistling along to a song I spit on myself. Now I'm not talking, I went to whistle and sprayed a little. I'm talking, I was in a full out whistle and for some inexplicable reason, I had a breach in the lip area and a full out pool of drool dripped onto the front of my shirt.
With his one, seemingly insignificant, involuntary act, shit got real. It was like a party ender. One second the music was blaring and I was jumping around with a shot of tequila hoisted in the air and the next second, the cops were at the door.
When you drool on yourself at 6 a.m. and you are not drunk and/or sleeping, it's a cold water in the face moment that quickly reminded me that I'm old and stupid.
On the surface, drooling on myself was bad. But if we do a deeper dive...well...things get worse. For starters I was tuned into First Wave and got really excited when the 31 year old song 99 Red Balloons by Nena came on. Excited to the point that I turned it up and may or may not have played some air keyboards... Nothing old about that. Now let's shift gears a little and take a look at the fact that I was whistling along with the song. Whistling! What am I Bing Crosby. Who whistles anymore. I must have looked like Farris Bueller's dad in that scene when he's driving and Farris is trying to beat him back to the house.
So yeah, I'm that guy now. Not sure when exactly I jumped the shark but at some point I officially reached old, stupid man status. The bad news is, I think this happened a long time ago. The good news is, it must have been a gradual transition because for a while now, I have been very content whistling along to some sweet 80's tunes while making fun of the "old people".
So as I approach the balance of this rainy Monday I'd like to think I do so a wiser man. I realize that before I judge others, not only will I put myself in their shoes, but I may want to check and make sure I'm not already wearing them. I also realize that old people do funny shit. I mean drooling on yourself while trying to whistle along to a song is comedy gold. Sure it's a little more physical comedy while I've always leaned toward cerebral but heck, Jerry Lewis did alright with it.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Sugar and Spice...
#bobblog #randomthoughts #sugarandspice
Little boys are made of frogs and snails and puppy-dog's tails. Little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice.
Seems pretty simple. The basic take away is that boys are nasty little animals and girls are sweet. It has been my general experience that Robert Southey's 19th Century take on the sexes still holds true.
However, I think it's time we add a little meat to this thing. You know, fill in some blanks about the girls. Unfortunately guys, our part really doesn't need any enhancement. We are a very simple species and this basic summary of us pretty much says all that needs to be said.
I am pretty deep into my fourth decade of trying to figure out girls. I grew up with three sisters, have two daughters and have eight nieces so I have some real life experience. Also, I have put in some work on the subject. I've watched The Notebook, read 50 Shades and take the occasional Cosmo survey, all in hopes of getting just a glimpse into the inner workings of the oh so complicated women's mind. Because, as a man, understanding the difference between the way a women thinks and the way a man thinks makes all the difference in the world.
So here's my take. Both men and women think a lot. They both have a lot of shit bouncing around in their heads 24 hours a day. But that's where the similarities end. Best I can tell there are two major differences between men and women's minds.
The first major difference is in "what" we think about. Men's thoughts fall into three primary groups: sports; sex; and how do I not piss off my significant other. That's pretty much all that's bouncing around that head at any given time. Now the detail of those thoughts can be great. I may be thinking "I wonder if I paint the family room on Saturday if Kim will let me go to Hooters to watch the football game on Sunday...I think she'd be ok with that, right." But yeah, not a whole lot more going on there. Now women (this is only my hypothesis) are thinking about everything else in the entire world other than those three things. I know this sounds extreme, but I really think that most women are literally trying to think about everything. And they are not only trying to think about everything for themselves, they are trying to think about everything for everyone else. If a women has a husband and two kids, she's thinking for four. I know this. Why else would I look at my wife when the waiter is taking my order and say "do I like the cannelloni here?" So when you sit at the dinner table with your wife and you are thinking "she looks kind of tired, we better go to bed by 9:45 or I won't have any chance tonight...did I record the Blues game...", know that she is thinking "I feel kind of tired, I better fall asleep by 9:30 because I am not up for his stupid shit tonight...did I make Johnny's dentist appointment...what am I going to wear to that shower on Sunday...oh shit, Suzie is going to be there...I better pick her up a bday card because I know Samantha will...damn, she'll probably give her a candle or something...she's such a bitch...when am I going to have time to go get a phuking candle..."
The second difference is in "how" we think about things. A man's mind operates like a medic on D-Day. Chaotic, lots of bouncing around, temporary fixes, just trying to get through the battle and get to a point where everyone seems happy. Where a women's mind operates with the precision of a neurosurgeon. Women are trying to get things DONE. They are worrying about long term problems and they are working on long term solutions. If this means they have to go to bed unhappy and lay there still thinking...well, then that's what it's going to take.
This brings me to one last thought...and what a surprise...it's about sex! Ha. Guys, what we just discussed is what you are up against. It's not that she doesn't want to have sex...it's that she doesn't have time for sex. Sure, back in the day when she was thinking for one, things we're a little easier. But now there's a lot going on in that head. You have to put in time to try and get her to free up about 10% of that mind for you to conduct your business. And even if she's saying "yes...YES", don't fool yourself into thinking she's not assembling a grocery list on the other side of her head.
Chances are 90% of what I think I've learned about women is wrong...but I will continue my quest!
Little boys are made of frogs and snails and puppy-dog's tails. Little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice.
Seems pretty simple. The basic take away is that boys are nasty little animals and girls are sweet. It has been my general experience that Robert Southey's 19th Century take on the sexes still holds true.
However, I think it's time we add a little meat to this thing. You know, fill in some blanks about the girls. Unfortunately guys, our part really doesn't need any enhancement. We are a very simple species and this basic summary of us pretty much says all that needs to be said.
I am pretty deep into my fourth decade of trying to figure out girls. I grew up with three sisters, have two daughters and have eight nieces so I have some real life experience. Also, I have put in some work on the subject. I've watched The Notebook, read 50 Shades and take the occasional Cosmo survey, all in hopes of getting just a glimpse into the inner workings of the oh so complicated women's mind. Because, as a man, understanding the difference between the way a women thinks and the way a man thinks makes all the difference in the world.
So here's my take. Both men and women think a lot. They both have a lot of shit bouncing around in their heads 24 hours a day. But that's where the similarities end. Best I can tell there are two major differences between men and women's minds.
The first major difference is in "what" we think about. Men's thoughts fall into three primary groups: sports; sex; and how do I not piss off my significant other. That's pretty much all that's bouncing around that head at any given time. Now the detail of those thoughts can be great. I may be thinking "I wonder if I paint the family room on Saturday if Kim will let me go to Hooters to watch the football game on Sunday...I think she'd be ok with that, right." But yeah, not a whole lot more going on there. Now women (this is only my hypothesis) are thinking about everything else in the entire world other than those three things. I know this sounds extreme, but I really think that most women are literally trying to think about everything. And they are not only trying to think about everything for themselves, they are trying to think about everything for everyone else. If a women has a husband and two kids, she's thinking for four. I know this. Why else would I look at my wife when the waiter is taking my order and say "do I like the cannelloni here?" So when you sit at the dinner table with your wife and you are thinking "she looks kind of tired, we better go to bed by 9:45 or I won't have any chance tonight...did I record the Blues game...", know that she is thinking "I feel kind of tired, I better fall asleep by 9:30 because I am not up for his stupid shit tonight...did I make Johnny's dentist appointment...what am I going to wear to that shower on Sunday...oh shit, Suzie is going to be there...I better pick her up a bday card because I know Samantha will...damn, she'll probably give her a candle or something...she's such a bitch...when am I going to have time to go get a phuking candle..."
The second difference is in "how" we think about things. A man's mind operates like a medic on D-Day. Chaotic, lots of bouncing around, temporary fixes, just trying to get through the battle and get to a point where everyone seems happy. Where a women's mind operates with the precision of a neurosurgeon. Women are trying to get things DONE. They are worrying about long term problems and they are working on long term solutions. If this means they have to go to bed unhappy and lay there still thinking...well, then that's what it's going to take.
This brings me to one last thought...and what a surprise...it's about sex! Ha. Guys, what we just discussed is what you are up against. It's not that she doesn't want to have sex...it's that she doesn't have time for sex. Sure, back in the day when she was thinking for one, things we're a little easier. But now there's a lot going on in that head. You have to put in time to try and get her to free up about 10% of that mind for you to conduct your business. And even if she's saying "yes...YES", don't fool yourself into thinking she's not assembling a grocery list on the other side of her head.
Chances are 90% of what I think I've learned about women is wrong...but I will continue my quest!
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